Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
