He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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