I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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