I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
