This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
