my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
