He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My penis needs a shock collar
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
