and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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