Three words: puerto rican gang bang
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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