He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
