I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize