Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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