I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
