Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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