We won't sleep together?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You're like the curious george of whores
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
