Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
