Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
it was like eating out sand paper
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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