i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
