im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize