had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
