I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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