you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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