So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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