You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize