literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
