Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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