Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Operation Purity has been aborted
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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