I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
