He kissed a someone with a penis
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
