she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm passing your future prison.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I touched a dick in church today
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
