I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
