i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
