You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
