why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
