One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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