You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I supernannyed him into submission
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
