Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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