I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
