I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize