I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
