Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
