He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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