it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize