we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
