I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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