piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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