You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
