Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
