her vagine was all disorganized.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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