God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
