Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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