my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
