Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize