Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
