here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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