oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize