were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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