Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Randomize
