i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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