I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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