My hand turned me down
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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