I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
