The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
