Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
