just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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