Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
