I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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