i need an iv and a liver transplant
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
