Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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