fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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