you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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