I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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