i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
