I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
