I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
