if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
