i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
