I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
