Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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