Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I need a burrito and a hug.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
