I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
