Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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