and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
